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Memorial Service |
Talks: Karen / John / Chantal / Mary / Rose-Marie / Laura / Michael
Pre-service music: Legends of Big Band
Processional music: Moonlight Serenade by Glenn Miller
Peter Barnabe
Good morning, I'm Peter Barnabe, friend and colleague of Peter Van Houten. Peter and I knew each other as Administrative Heads for many years with the Ottawa Carleton District School Board.
We are here this morning in celebration of Peter's life, the many lives he touched and the legacy he left.
Peter was a MASTER TEACHER. As a matter of fact, we're about to receive a lesson in classic vintage music and song. Peter was a lover of music, particularly fond of Big Bands and Swing music. The selection we just heard was Moonlight Serenade by one of his absolute favourites, Glenn Miller. You will hear more of Peter's favourites this morning but not all -- way too many. Perhaps one of the songs will stick with you as truly the Peter you knew.
You will hear stories from various people who knew Peter. The family wants you to enjoy the memories of a grand and gentle man. The first to speak will be Karen Van Houten. Peter was her big brother.
My first memory of Peter was when I was a toddler and, having come home from school to eat lunch, he abandoned me to go back to school in the afternoon. I remember crying my eyes out and my mother plopping me down in front of the radio -- one of those old dome-shaped pieces of furniture -- to calm me down. We didn't have television in those days.
We were born in Vancouver and spent most of our youth in Port Credit. I remember "the big kids" (Peter and Carl) and the little kids (Phil and myself) driving across Canada lined up across the back seat of my Dad's DeSoto with my Dad looking back at us very sternly when we got out of hand.
Peter wasn't always the responsible person you all remember. I remember many runs to the hospital with assorted hockey injuries and quite a few BB gun episodes. He and Carl shared a room across the hall from Phil's room. Along the wall opposite the door Phil had shelves that housed a very respectable stuffed animal collection. Peter and Carl used those animals for target practice. It was a bit dangerous moving around in the house in those days because the landing at the top of the staircase was right in the line of fire. It wasn't too long after that before my mother found out what was going on and the guns were confiscated.
Later I remember Peter as a somewhat surly 15-year-old and the incident that earned my mom the nickname "Strawberries". Peter and my mom were in the kitchen arguing about something. It must have been just before dinnertime, because my mom was holding a carton of strawberries. Frozen strawberries used to come in a cardboard container with tin at each end. Peter said something that my mom considered rude and my mom, who would not tolerate rudeness in her children, hurled the strawberries across the room. The strawberries were thawed so Peter wasn't hurt, but the carton burst and strawberries went all over Peter and the kitchen. It took my mom a long time to live that one down.
But Peter must have improved with age, because later my mom often said what a good son he was.
In 1967 Peter went off to Montreal and came back in love. He and Miriam were married a couple of years later and lived in Ottawa where Peter had begun his career in education. A few years later Laura was born, and then Mike. The Van Houten household in Ottawa became a sort of anchor for our family.
In later years I remember visiting Peter and Rose at their cottage. While we were there Peter very proudly presented me with probably the best hamburger I had ever eaten. He also taught us to fish off the pier. That was a great visit.
Peter took great delight in small children. He and his family visited us in North Carolina when Chantal was a toddler. She and her uncle had their heads together in intense conversation (to which the rest of us were not privy) when suddenly Chantal blurted out "Uncle Peter, you cooperate!" Peter just grinned from ear to ear. I think it was that moment that sealed the bond between Peter and Chantal.
Peter was a person of small, quiet kindnesses. He could be frustratingly private, but we all knew he cared.
AND he was a lucky man. He had two wonderful children and he had two strong women who each, in turn, gave him absolute love and loyalty.
I came here today to say good-bye to my brother, but in a sense I know I am not really saying good-bye, because a piece of Peter will live on in each of you who loved him and honour his memory.
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Only You by The Platters
That was Only You sung by the Platters.
The next to speak is John Dixon, one of Peter's colleagues and former Administrative Head.
Peter's teaching career spanned 32 years and 6 high schools (Gloucester, Osgoode, Colonel By, West Carleton, J.S. Woodsworth, and South Carleton). In that time, he crossed paths with hundreds of staff members and thousands of students. Our paths intersected for a brief 6 years and so I feel honoured to have been asked to speak of Peter on behalf of all his colleagues.
I met Peter for the first time in 1991 at J.S. Woodsworth S.S. After a fleeting smile of acknowledgement and firm handshake, he quickly retreated into his office. My first impression was that this was not a man with whom you were likely to spend the time of day talking small talk. He had a sense of purpose about him which left you feeling slightly intimidated. As I learned over the next 6 years, this was only part of his persona.
Everyone who has ever worked with Peter knows he excelled in his job as Administrative Head. Every aspect of school organization was looked after to a degree of perfection that was difficult to match anywhere in the board. He accepted all responsibility for the accuracy of his work. Any mistake would be acknowledged as his alone. In later administrations, work that had once been Peter's sole domain would be passed to other office staff or even a second Vice-Principal. This was not Peter's style. He was proud of what he did and how well he did it. I once asked Peter "what was the most important part of being an Admin Head". His succinct reply was "to help": and to help students, to help teachers, and to help administrators was Peter's professional ethic. Other adjectives which any one of us could use to describe Peter are: responsible, conscientious, dedicated, discreet.
Peter met challenges head-on: ready to solve a problem, to stand up for a position he thought right, or to offer advice. Day-to-day routine was not a challenge for Peter, but he did meet challenge with a cool, level-head in times of upheaval. Opening up West Carleton S.S. before there was potable water or electrical hook-up or attending to a stabbing victim at J.S. Woodsworth amidst frantic chaos are just 2 examples where Peter was able to bring calm and order to a crisis situation.
When I was a rookie Admin Head, Peter was there for me every step of the way. He was both a role-model and a mentor. No question was too small (or too big) or too difficult or too time-consuming. He was very giving of his expertise and his time. He was the respected Dean of Admin Heads within the Board and I'm sure I was not the only one to turn to Peter for help and advice. He asked for nothing in return, and a bottle of Scotch seemed small payment indeed. Around the Heads' table Peter's words carried great weight. He could bring discussion to a sound conclusion with a cogent summary or a gentle reminder about what was best for students, and he was not above giving a pointed prompt to the Principal or Vice-principal about how an issue should be resolved. Peter was also the man capable of breaking the tensions with a quick one-liner. His sense of humour for resolving a situation was a great asset. Unfortunately, we did not see this side of Peter often enough. He did not like 'fuss' and did not want to be fussed over. I think he was closest to those he was in close proximity to: a valued member of the Admin Team, a supporter of the role of Guidance in the life of a student, and a man capable of telling a joke or hearing a joke with the ladies of the office staff. To do Peter some justice in this area of his professional life, I did consult some of those ladies who knew him best. I quote:
"Peter was lots of fun, which I am sure most people didn't know. To say we teased Peter 'a little' is an understatement. We tried to make his life miserable (not really). We knew he hated being the centre of attention and took every opportunity to put him out there. Every year on his birthday, we would get to school early (and we mean early) because Peter was always there before anyone else. We decorated his office, moved his files around (that really got to him) and announced his birthday on the white board in the office. All day long people would stop by to congratulate him, and if you knew Peter you would know how he detested interruptions. On one occasion, we made him a secretary out of blow-up balloons, a wig and tight pants. He always wanted a secretary of his own. Anyone of us would have given our right arm to work with him exclusively."
Who knew?
For the rest of us, he was a private man -- dedicated to his work and to the lives of students and to the school. For all that he did, for all that he cared, I extend a heartfelt and humble "Thank you Peter".
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Sunny Side of the Street by Judy Garland
That was the Sunny Side of the Street by Judy Garland. Peter was very fond of Judy Garland -- I am told he has her complete recordings about 3 times over on CD.
Peter has six nieces and nephews. They are here today from Toronto, North Carolina, and Ireland to share their memories. Chantal Oberei will speak about their Uncle Peter.
Peter was my uncle, and I'm speaking on behalf of the Van Houten nieces and nephews. We're spread out from Ottawa to Toronto, to Charlotte, to Los Angeles and even Dublin, Ireland - so we all have different memories of Uncle Peter. But, I think we'd all agree that he was a man of few words.
Which is why when he spoke, I listened. He gave me bits of advice through the years, about various topics from relationships to cars. When I was buying my first car, Uncle Peter told me Hondas were good cars, and that is what I bought. Turns out he was right - I'm still driving that Honda today.
My favourite memory of Uncle Peter is a trip we took to the cottage on the lake. We grilled out the best shish kebabs I'd ever tasted and drank Coronas with lime (he whispered in my ear, "I got Coronas!" because he knew they were my favourite). We fished off the pier, and he took us out on the boat. I remember how happy he was at the lake, and I'm pretty sure that was one of his favourite places. I can't forget how at peace he seemed, just getting away from it all. And so, I hope he's found that same kind of peace now. I'm sure he's smiling down on us from his new cottage on the lake...actually, I'm sure he's exasperated with all the fuss!
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Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy by The Andrew Sisters
That piece was Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy by The Andrew Sisters. Peter admired the Andrew Sisters not only for their voices but because their articulation was so precise. He began his career teaching English and although he soon moved from the classroom to Guidance and Administration, he never lost his attention to punctuation and grammar.
Rose-Marie's sister, Mary Davis, not only taught with Peter; she taught with him in his first year at Gloucester HS. Peter told Rose-Marie that he considered Mary quite the 'looker'. Peter and Miriam's children (Laura and Michael) grew up with the Davis boys.
And now you know why Peter wore glasses.
I first met Peter in 1968 when he and Roger Linton came to teach at Gloucester H.S. Two young cute unattached males---they were the talk of the school, and my Grade 12 girls kept me updated on their every move. I left teaching for a while, but over the years our paths would cross from time to time. We would see Peter striding through the neighbourhood on one of his famous walks, or encounter him at the rink at Mike's hockey games - Mike was nearly the same age as our youngest son Graham.
When I returned to teaching at J.S.Woodsworth, I was delighted to learn that Peter was the admin head and he was very good in that role - apart from the day he strolled into my classroom to enquire, with a straight face, if I would like to teach a grade 13 Physics class the following year - always that wonderful acerbic sense of humour. I told him he could take that idea right back to wherever he thought it up, and think it out again! One year he did schedule me to teach a grade 10 science class...fortunately I had Neville to help me with that. John Dixon was the science head at the time and he was astounded to find all the compasses pointing north one Monday morning after Neville had helped me set up on Saturday.
When Peter and Rose-Marie were becoming an item, I had to go in, well, I thought I had to go in, and tell him what he was getting into... because I believed he really had no idea what he was getting himself into... he didn't know that he was taking on not only Rose, but June and me, and we can be a formidable trio -- and he listened to me quietly, but was not frightened off. When Peter joined our family he was generously welcomed and soon became a loved and valued member. His quiet grace and constant support were a source of comfort through both sad and happy times.
And so, dear Peter, as we say our goodbyes to you today, thank you. Know how greatly we care for you. We will surely miss "the voice" (Peter had the greatest voice), the quiet hug at just the right moment, the care and compassion shown to our most senior members, the abiding interest in our youngest.
Rest in peace, dear friend.
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Rainbow Connection by Sarah McLachlan
That piece is Rainbow Connection by Sarah McLachlan. Peter's grandchildren have broadened his music repertoire to include children's music.
Rose-Marie and Peter have worked together and loved together. Rose-Marie was also a former Administrative Head. It might be said these two insatiable problem solvers found the ultimate solution, that being, their love for one another.
You need to know two things. First, the time out on talks is waived for me. Second, Peter told us he did not want a funeral so whatever you want to call this event, please don't call it a funeral service.
This past year has not been the best year for Peter, something like the Queen's bad year. Nonetheless, he had wonderful care from his medical team and I thank them for their professional expertise and genuine care for Peter throughout his illness. They were always interested and proactive.
Peter was a complex man, not given to extreme emotion or display. He was hard to read by times. He was content in the background as the organizer, not the conductor.
He never sought credit and always expected results. My kind of guy.
Working at JS Woodsworth with Peter and Barrie Hammond was like a dream. They always had my back (and often I needed that). Everyone knew students were the first consideration in anything Peter did. The secretaries and care staff were never better treated or more respected than by Peter. He was always there for them, as a confidant and an assistant.
Peter was a quiet man who showed he cared by listening and sharing his knowledge or perspectives. Sometimes this could be taken as unsolicited advice. That was apt to precipitate a bit of a dust up from me. These he primarily ignored and went on about his business with a look that said, "soon she will run out of steam and calm down".
Peter was a man of few words -- what could be said in 2 or 3 words did not require more. As in "Fill your gas tank" or "plug in your car" or "buy milk". He had an extensive vocabulary and used it sparingly. He would come out with something like 'adjusting the rake of his car seat' when he was changing the slope. I would giggle and say I thought I would adjust the hoe of my seat. He did not seem to find this funny.
Peter loved music -- loud music. An anomaly for such a quiet man. And while he has Judy Garland's recordings many times over, the absolute winner is Glenn Miller. So far, I have counted over 30 CDs dedicated to Glenn Miller recordings and as many again that are mixed bands including Glenn Miller tracks. He liked music of all types (well maybe not hip hop) and his favourite was swing. These songs could barely begin and he could name the band and the singer. He used to quiz me on them but I did miserably and he stopped. He should have tried out for Name that Tune. But then he would have had to be on TV and that was not going to happen.
That's not to say he did not support the arts. For many years we went to the NAC theatre series with Marcia and Jim. But two years ago Marcia and I decided we only needed 3 seats as often Jim was away at dog shows and Peter was not wildly enthusiastic. The first thing Peter did when we sat down was look to see if there was an intermission. No intermission meant good show. This year Peter and I went to the POPS series at the NAC. It was perfect for Peter. And although they were in the evening (normally this would have been enough to get him to beg off) and his energy was dwindling, he opted each time to stay to the end. Our last concert was on Valentine's Day - a tribute to Cole Porter. For Peter, that was art!
Peter was a keen photographer -- some of our best pictures from special occasions were taken by him. When we went out west for his 60th birthday, he took over 500 pictures. We were only gone 10 days.
Peter loved airplanes and could identify them from 20,000 feet or as Michael said, by the vapour. This was something else he tried to teach me and sadly, this was a greater failure than the old game of music identification. He feared flying and he loved trains. When we went to Vancouver, we took the train. He thought we should take the train back but I had to hold firm. Our flight home was to leave around noon and they moved it to early morning. This disturbed Peter because he really needed a scotch soon after he got on the plane and he just did not think this was going to happen at breakfast. He was right. His fists were clamped tightly on the arm rest for over 2 hours and when that attendant came down the aisle with the rattling cart, his face finally relaxed.
There are many things I could tell you about Peter -- he was a history buff, a Coronation Street fan for many years, a NASCAR enthusiast, and an avid follower of American politics, primarily via CNN, a channel I call Certainly Not News. You could dress him up but he did not like it. His preferred style was jeans and a sweat shirt.
Peter was my protector and my fan. In the early years of school board amalgamation when meetings were long and progress was slow, on the rare evenings when there was no board meeting, Peter would call my office around 5:30 and say "it's time to come home, Rose". He could tell from my voice on the phone how my day had gone and if he needed to mix me a drink.
Peter was not a demonstrative person. Yet his children Laura and Michael knew that he loved them -- and he worried about them as any parent does. He adored his grandchildren... and mine -- and they loved him in return. They seemed to bond in quiet ways, playing with flashlights, watching videos, or eating crumpets in bed. They knew he would give them a cookie, any time, any day.
I have 14 years of memories with Peter. In time they will console me. I know this to be true. For now, I am so sad to lose him. I admire his courage over the last year and I am sorry that we did not get to do all the things he had on his bucket list. Still through it all, when he smiled it would make my heart sing and this is my picture of Peter.
Peter once told me he "loved me and adored me and would do anything for me". This I put to the test many times. He also said he was a romantic. I had trouble with that one for a while until I came to understand his version of 'romantic'. This is my last Valentine. It says "Only You" on the outside and inside "Always You" but Peter has written 'will love' between the 'always' and the 'you'. That's romantic... and of course, it is dated!
Last weekend we were at the cottage -- the weather was wonderful and he seemed content. He did remind me to get more salt for the driveway and check the basement -- twice. I know Peter loved me and cared about me.
We have lost an honest and generous man not given to judgments. We had a deal -- he could buy all the tools and flashlights he wanted and I could buy shoes.
I have lost a best friend and a defender sooner than we wanted or ever expected.
I am so grateful for my time with him.
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I Don't Want to Walk without You by Harry James and Helen Forrest
That was I Don't Want to Walk without You by Harry James and Helen Forrest. Helen Forrest was the songstress for those of you keeping notes. She was one of Peter's girls.
Peter and Miriam have two wonderful children in Laura and Michael. They wish to say a final few words about their Dad.
First of all my brother and I would like to thank everyone for their support in this difficult time. We would also like to thank everyone who spoke such wonderful words of our father today.
We have always known that our father was well respected and had touched any people's lives. In fact, when I was out I would run into some of his students and when they found out that "Mr. Van Houten" was my father they'd say I was lucky, and they were right. My dad was an amazing man.
Rose-Marie, thank you so much for being such a great support to our father and for taking such wonderful care of him. We are eternally grateful.
I wish my children could have had more time to get to know how great our father was. They will greatly miss their quiet visits with him and will never forget their Grandpa.
Words cannot express how much you meant to all of us and how greatly you will be missed. Mary was right, you do give the best hugs, and what I wouldn't do for one now. I love you.
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My sister and I have so many great memories of our Dad. Memories we will cherish forever. His strength and honesty have always been unmatched. And his many valuable lessons he has passed on to us will never be forgotten. He was a legendary man. Maybe not in so many words but in character, he was top of his class. Every drop of who he was will be missed by us.
Dad, we love you so much and miss your earthly presence. Knowing that you are gone from us fills us with so much pain but we are happy that you have no more pain ahead of you. No matter how brave we know you would have been, we find some comfort in knowing that you will no longer suffer from what was certain to be a very difficult road ahead.
No words can explain the bond we have to you. We love you dearly and you will be forever missed.
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The final piece of music is one you will all recognize. The interment will follow immediately at the Pinecrest Cemetery. Everyone who wishes is welcome to attend.
Note from R-M: Peter & I went to see Mama Mia twice. Peter loved it. (That's why we went twice.) The first time we went, he was not prepared to believe the concert was over when it seemed clear that it was over." It can't be over because they haven't sung Waterloo." I tried to tell him that not all the ABBA songs were in the performance and perhaps they were not using Waterloo. But, oh no, out comes the cast dressed in flared glitzy outfits to sing Waterloo. Even Peter stood up and bopped around. It was a moment in time that I will not forget.
Waterloo by ABBA: recession music