I try to deny it as much as I can but ever since I was little I feel thing a bit stronger than average. When I love I do it with all mu heart. Once you gain my trust, I will tell you any and everything. If someone is sad , I feel upset. I think when my parent told me when I was younger to put myself in someone else shoes first before judging them a step too farther. I always first think when I see bad situations, I imagine that it was me or someone that I really cared about. My mom says its empathy. I can feel empathy for pretty much anyone, sometimes people don’t understand how I can for some really bad people. But I always try to see it from their view, did they have everything that I had growing up , loving and caring parents, support through everything I did, a warm house, gifts that I wanted for my birthday and Christmas. Those special moments where their mom just says she loves you randomly. Because these are the things that made me the person that I am today. So a parent that beats or ignores their child how are they suppose to turn out. Or someone who is sad and feels that they had no one to turn to. I just ask my self “what if that was me?”
my evolution of loving all things music
In my family music has always been prominent. But it was mostly gospel and Christian music that was sounding through our walls. When I was eight years old I found a Red Hot Chili Pepper Cd and that changed my view on music forever. I started to find more rock/alternative music , like Weezer and Fall Out Boy. When I moved into elementary and middle school I started listening to more punk and rock , Sleeping with Sirens, Pierce the Veil, Panic! At the Disco. My mom always thought that me liking this kind of music was a phase, I guess it kind of was but I still love rock music new and old. People like Chuck Berry, Elvis Presley, and Johnny Cash have always been amazing in my opinion. Then the Beach Boys and the Beatles made my love grow. When I first hear the Abbey Road album I felt that I had been exposed to a whole new world of music. Ever since I can remember I’ve loved musicals like West Side Story, Singin’ in the Rain and so many more. So people like Gene Kelly , Debbie Reynolds, and Donald O’Conner were introduced to me. I fell in love with 80-90s music in my first year of High School (Madonna, TLC, Nirvana, Janet Jackson, Whitney Huston, etc)There has always been like two spaces in the industry for boy bands , New Edition, Bel Biv Devoe, Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block, Hanson , Jonas Brothers, N’ Sync and Boyz II Men and now people like One Direction are continuing to keep the genre alive. There was always a different sound in each era. The music of our time has some greats also lie Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, Rihanna, Kanye West, Justin Timberlake , and even Justin Bieber. Music has always been my escape if it were for me to drown my room in Justin Bieber, Rascall Flatts, or Green Day. Music always has something for what you’re feeling.
struggle .
Everyone has some type of struggle that they are going through. It could be small to some but to you its something that you’ve been having a problem getting passed it. There will always be someone with bigger problems and so its hard to complain or share your thoughts with someone but you feel that someone might shrug you off. But I think that people have to realize that you have to worry about yourself first . You struggle is big to you and that means something to someone. You just have to find someone who genuinely cares about you to tell, and be careful to not talk someone who may belittle you, but will give you some prospective.
writing .
My entire life, for as long as I can remember I’ve love , reading, watching TV or movies. My parents always wondered why I got so attached to TV series, and movies and just different fictious characters. I really didn’t know why I just knew that I loved it and not in a mind numbing kind of why that most people watch TV as. I watch TV and I breakdown the characters and the scene and I wonder how they came to be. As I get older I know why I want to write. I want people to feel something about what I write. I want people to laugh, kids, giggle and even grow to despise some of my characters. I want people to feel the way I feel when I watch shows like One Tree Hill over and over again and still feel heartbroken when my favorite characters breakup or when someone dies. Or when someone gets married and starts a family. When I watch anything I think ‘ wow I want to do this someday.’
Kardashians/Jenners .
Personally I love the Kardashians . Well I love what I know about them. I feel like people misunderstand that people on reality television show us what they want us to see and when they want us to see it. Maybe with the slight chance the paps get something that’s kinda a big deal, but most of the time not . I find the show very entertaining and I think that all the sisters are absolutely stunning. I didn’t watch the show much until the last year or two,but when I see people hating on them because they think that they are superficial or shallow. I don’t quite understand how they would know that if they haven’t ever met them. Or when they judge Kim off of her past and how she became famous. Do you want you entire life to be based off of something you did over 15 years ago. And something that you didn’t even release yourself. I think that Kim is underestimated, well Kim and her sisters. Kim is often called stupid, because people don’t think that she thinks for her self, but not only is she the highest-paid reality television personality, she continues to venture out into new endorsement deals and continues to make more money. Mistakes are made and they make us better and wiser and after two marriages that ended shortly. Kim started dating rapper Kanye West and shortly after had North West , ten got married. People see Kanye West as mad or scary. I can’t tell you that you’re wrong because I’ve never met him , but if you see the way he looks at her and how long he waited to be with his queen. And when I saw the music video for his song ‘Only One’ we saw a side of Kanye that I feel like Kim gets to see all the time, we saw a man that adores his daughter and a man that would have traded anything in the world for his mother to see him now and meet his baby girl and his son that is coming soon.(Plus I think that her is a genius in everything he does!) Kendall and Kylie both from a young age had their whole childhood on TV for the world to see, first period, crushes, reaction to parents divorcing. That has to be hard. Kendall wanted to be a model, started a career when she was 14 but really broke out in 2014. She wanted something and she had to work to get it. Kylie has recently been portrayed as a girl going out and hanging out with her friends all the time. But whats so bad about that , she just turned 18 isn’t that what we’re all doing(or what you did) at that age. The thing that bugs me is when people hate on her because of her lip and the rest of the girl’s bodies. When they ask if they had any work done, its no one’s business except theirs. When you see videos online of the paps going after they and taking picture after picture, I can’t see that as being enjoyable everyday when you go out in public.This started out just being a short little blog post to a full on editorial. But I personally try not to judge people, especially people that I have never even met. Many people are jealous of what the Karadashian’s have and that’s okay, but just remember that they’re people too and words hurt.
(I didn’t mention all of the family because this thing would have went on forever, I just went off of what has been on media the most lately. )
anxiety
For most of my life I have had a hard time talking to people and expressing how I feel. It became extremely hard about the time I was ending middle school and about to enter high school. When high school began I was terrified, when I would walk the halls I felt people were staring at me and talking about me behind my back. I started to separate myself and only talked to a few people. I still had major issues thinking people were always judging me. My mom and I have always been ones to bump heads, we’re both extremely stubborn and emotional (two bad things to put together I might add) . One day we go into an argument about grade , which had been really low at the time. And I just broke down and told her that I had been having a hard time waking up in the morning and seeing a point in life, so she calmed me down and said that I need to talk to someone. I had a sit down with a psychologist and she diagnosed me with depression and severe anxiety disorder. This is something I have always had to struggle with and I feel that I have gotten better but being 6’3 and always being stared at causes me to panic at times, but then I just have breathe and move on. Anxiety attacks are different for everyone , and are brought one by many things. Stress, fatigue, hunger,phobias, and public speaking have all been causes of attacks. For me I stop talking and sit down and I can’t hear clearly what anyone is saying, not many people know that this is me freaking out. Anxiety is something that many people have to deal with maybe without even knowing that it is anxiety. But talking about your problems is a lot better then just sitting around feeling crazy.
its been a while
Sooo school has always been a struggle for me especially math (algebra, geometry and that jazz) but its all coming to an end. Well not really but high school is coming to an end. I graduate this Friday the 12th. Its crazy to think about because it feels like I just started school. Now I have to think about my future and what I want to next but I have no clue. I know I want to help people and help the cause of human equality but I just don’t know where to start. But after June 12th, I have no plan, no anything. I have to start thinking for myself and that’s really scary. No one is forcing me to go to school and do my homework its all on me. I’m thankful that its over though. For some people high school is their prime time, or ‘hay-day’ but not me I have hated the last four years of my life, yeah there has been a few good times but for the most part I have kept my head down and just lets the days drag along. but now I have time to start blogging and which I really do like doing I just haven’t had the time in between finals and everything. But I want to at least blog once a week but lets see how this goes .
rant #1
Hello me being the dork I am writing this whole blog then accidentally deleted everything before posting . So let’s try this again. Boys tend to infuriate me at points in my life. Okay I am about 6 foot 3 inches as a young woman and yes I realize that I am tall but you don’t have to point it out every single time you see me and then to have the opacity to say that “I’m too tall ..” Okay excuse me that is like saying that someone is too black, or white or gay. It’s not something that I can change, I understand staring for a brief second, but really grow up. I know that usually in a relationship the booy the tall one, but the world is a different place now . I am just a girl that happens to be tall, I’m not manly in any type of way except maybe the way I watch football . but that it. Okay I’m done ranting for now. But until we meet again . Adios.
P.S. I may or may not dig the man bun on Harry Styles ..
gloomy weather .
People will always say that when its dark and gloomy outside it gets them down. For me its the exact opposite I love the cold weather, its always a surprise when the temp drops below the 70s in Cali. I love getting my cup of tea, a new magazine at my favorite drug/grocery store Target . This time I got the March 2015 Harper’s BAZAAR with Rihanna on the cover. And I think I’m going to paint my nails. A perfect end to my mediocre holiday .
first blog post .
I love to write, but every time I do it seemed like I never finished anything. I have always want to start a blog and now I am. I don’t really know what to put on a blog exactly but this will be a learning process. I promise all my posts won’t be this boring I just have nothing to write about at 5:01 am. I love learning about new things like how to cook new dishes, and how to style new outfits and things like that . I hope this will turn out to be successful blogging .
KAI BINTA 